Who Should Play…The Solo/Skywalkers: Next Generation (Part 1)

So…who else is completely terrified of this new Star Wars movie? Anyone? Am I the only person who’s kind of nervous about this? Nah, It’ll be fine. I like J.J. Abrams and Disney…also has many nice qualities. And I’m totally okay with fact that the canon I’ve been invested in since middle school will probably be completely jettisoned. At least Chewbacca will be alive again. Yay! I can get behind this right? I can forget thirty odd years of stories and characters that I was obsessed with. I’ll get ove-

Nope. Nope. Nope. Can’t do it. I’m gonna go get my Sharknado booze.

Okay. I’m back. Let’s cast this bitch.

Of course, since we have no idea which characters are going to be in the movie (just a few random character descriptions.), I’m just gonna go ahead and cast characters from the books…I’m depressed again…Whatever…here we go.

Jaina Solo

This is Tatiana Maslany. If you haven’t heard of her, you are a horrible person with no taste…or you have no access to BBC America. If you have heard of her…you are either:

A.) Totally sick of your nerdy friends telling you to watch Orphan Black already
B.) A fervent and devoted acolyte of the church of Tatiana.
But seriously…she’s fucking awesome. Back me up here Clone Club, would she not be the best Jaina ever? Tatiana Maslany can do anything. She can be noble, badass, roguish, crazy, evil (if they really feel like breaking the Solos), and any of the above combined. On the physical side, Tatiana!Jaina would look more like Han than Leia. Appropriate considering Jaina is really more like her dad than her mom. But really…watch Orphan Black already. It’s amazing.
Other Choices: Eliza Dushku was my favorite contender when I was a tiny little middle/high schooler. It’s the sentimental choice. I’ve heard Jennifer Lawrence’s name bandied about. Now, I’m human so naturally I’m completely in love with her and think she would be a fabulous Jaina. But here’s the thing…She’s more of an age for a New Jedi Order Jaina. With the original three the ages that they are, JLaw would have to play much older than she is. But other than that…it would be really cool to have Jennifer Lawrence as a Solo and OHMYGOD CAROLINE DHAVERNAS SHOULD BE JAINA. I LITERALLY JUST REALIZED. Man, now I’m conflicted. Tatiana or Caroline? Oh well, good thing it will never happen.

So this Chopstick I’m drinking (Vodka + litchi juice, mixed with a chopstick) is making me a little more receptive to this whole thing. So what if they have to do a complete overhaul of the Post-ROTJ era? This version of canon won’t disappear forever. And the new one won’t have Jedi being turned mentally into giant bugs. I think that’s what happened. I seriously don’t understand what was going on in that series. Anyway, with these new movies will come new books, video games, and shows based off of it. A whole new canon to love and obsess over. And then when we’ve gotten really attached to that, they’ll make more movies that completely ignore the books/video games/shows. But with these new movies we’ll get new boo-Oh my god, my head hurts.

Jagged Fel

Hah! Take that Kyp Durron/Zekk fans! Jaina and Jagged are the OTP! I BATHE IN YOUR TEARS…

Sorry. I think I just regressed to high school Espy…damn Chopstick (I’m Asian. It’s not racist…I think.) Anyway, Eric Bana’s been my dream Jag since I was in high school. Just look to the…I want to say right. Just imagine him with a scar and a white streak in his hair. I know, right? Frakkin identical.  At this point, (SPOILERS) Jag either is or is about to become the Emperor. Jagged Fel’s actor needs to project gravitas and authority but has to make you see the hotshot fighter pilot that Jaina fell in love with. Eric Bana can definitely do that.  It would have been kind of interesting to just throw people into a movie where Han and Leia’s daughter is the Empress. Oh well. Never going to happen.

Other Choices: Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston should be in everything.  FANGIRL ME HAS SPOKEN. Seriously though, either actor might do well. While neither actor is really the square jawed military hero type, I’m really curious to see what they would do with the role. Do you suppose that Emperor/Solo’s son in law is an interesting enough character that they would take it? But yeah, it’s mostly rampant fangirling. Gotta get that under control.

Tahiri Veila

Before you say anything, she used to be blonde. If you don’t recognize the lovely lady in the pic, that is one Lindy Booth. She was Riley on The Famous Jett Jackson (Rest in Peace, Lee Thompson Young. You were incredibly awesome.) Anyway, back in the day when Tahiri was well on her way to becoming a Solo, Lindy Booth was who I pictured when I read it. From being a sweet little Jedi trainee to getting tortured to getting (essentially) widowed to finally coming to terms with all the horrible shit that happened to her, she was my Tahiri. Which, admittedly, was kind of a creepy thing to do considering I knew her from a kids show. But recently, she’s popped back up on my radar with roles in Kick Ass 2 and Copper. And I’ve been quite impressed. Aside from the red hair, she’s kind of grown up to be the perfect post-dark side Tahiri. Weird.

Oh, and I’m including Tahiri in the Solo/Skywalker category cause she totally would have married into the family if George Lucas didn’t think we were too stupid to get confused over which Anakin was which.

Other Choices: I guess if it’s not going to be Lindy Booth, I would choose the two other blondes that made me drop my irrational hatred of blonde actresses (that would be Hayden Panetierre and Dianna Agron). But I’m really partial to Lindy Booth…if you couldn’t tell.

Okay. This actually helped. I need to let go of the books. They’re never going to make a straight canon version of a universe where Chewbacca is dead. Wouldn’t make for good merchandising. I should just enjoy it for what it is…the Star Trek people at least got a Time-Travelly alternate universe…No, it’s fine. It’ll be a good movie. I’m looking forward to it. So sayeth The Chopstick! I’m sure I’ll still feel the same when the room stops spinning.

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